Why I Did Not Celebrate My Blogiversary

| To be honest...I'm not where I thought I would be.

But the larger problem is that I had no idea where I wanted to be. 

I began Lady Out Loud as a creative outlet. A space to dump my ideas, thoughts, flex and grow my amateur photography skills, have a blank canvas to write to my hearts' content and engage with like-minded people. Truthfully, this blog began with selfish intentions. It was not at all to earn an income, become socially famous or even influential. It was a personal haven in which I could grow publically. And I never placed any goals or milestones on "growth". It was not until I dove deeper into the ins and outs of the industry that my eyes were opened to what the world of blogging has to offer. So I adopted the goals of others and my entire mission changed. Quickly after purchasing my domain, setting up my site and logging my first few posts, the harsh realities of the comparision game, poor Instagram engagement, varying page views and (truthfully) piss poor support from those around me changed my vision. I became obsessed with industry metrics on growth, strategy, and fitting in. What I was after was no longer centered on creative expression, but on dollars, sponsorships, Instagram followers, Pinterest pins, etc. I lost my way.

I began to get discouraged that I was not seeing any return on my investment. I felt like my output and what I was told and thought was "great content" was falling on deaf ears, that no one cared. It was a good ole fashioned pity party, complete with balloons and a massive cake for one. But what I failed to realize in the earlier days of my blog was exactly what I said before...this blog was started with selfish intentions. Where I made my mistake is that my mindset was still selfish. When my vision, goals and mentality changed to be audience-focussed, my actions outside of content creation did not. It was not until very recently that I realized how far apart my actions were from my vision. I was expecting to receive different resuts while continuing to do the same things. We call that insanity, people.  

It was because of this that I got negative, bitter, discontent and unhappy. I felt supremely inferior to the rest of the blogger community and in response, rather than take a quick second to step in the hallway away from my pity party playlist...I complained and got discouraged. So when Aug 21st (my one year blog anniversary) came around, I felt I had nothing to be proud of. Nothing to show for it. I looked at those around me who began their blogs at the same time but were widly more successful and was dissapointed in my creation. So I let it pass without any fanfare, no mention, or acknowledgment of the milestone.

I realize now that is completely incorrect and I truly am proud of what I have produced, the micro community I have created. My vision and goals for this space are continuing to coming together and being more conscious of what those are and more proactive in aligning the two will serve me well in the future. What I have realized now more than ever is that you get what you work for, and half of that battle is making sure you know EXACTLY what you are working for. Having clearly defined goals, vision, milestone, etc are incredibly important, even if they change. And as they change, so should the type of work you put in. 

Better late than never: cheers to one full year of Lady Out Loud. For the love, support, time, comments, actions, that any of you take...THANK YOU. And here's to the sophomore year! May we continue to move, shape and grow! 

Love Loudly. Live Loudly. 

Jenn